


Of Battered Brothers

by HiddenEye, Iantheforlornwriter



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: Death, Gen, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, depressed, tadashideadstillnotoverit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-05
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-02-28 06:50:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2722799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiddenEye/pseuds/HiddenEye, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iantheforlornwriter/pseuds/Iantheforlornwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hiro is depressed after Tadashi's death. Perhaps taking a walk, could be a good thing. Perhaps.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1 -Iantheforlornwriter

It has been seven days since Tadashi had burned in the fires that ravaged the school to the ground, but he still couldn't get over it. How could he? His brother had died, no one could **ever** get over this. No one in their right mind would. Hiro rolled in his bed, trying to adjust his head. It was another sleepless night. It was another night where he would wallow in his dreams and let the tears swallow him up whole. Everything he did to take his mind off his brother were for nought. Crying, was the relief that actually helped. It was the only thing that would now. It was the only thing he could do. He had no other memories, no other than his last words to him. "Someone has to." He yelled as he threw his pillow against the wall. He hated how righteous Tadashi could be, if he'd just leave Professor Callaghan for dead, he would be with him now, here together in their room, celebrating Hiro's success. However, here he was, alone, sad, tears dried on his cheeks. Alone. Always.

His aunt didn't bother to investigate the sudden yelling Hiro was now fond of making. It was a current occurrence and she hated it. She hated how hurt her nephew was. She hated how angry he was, and the worst part of it all? There was nothing she could do. There was nothing she could do to make him feel better. All she could do was let him heal himself, if he ever could. At first she thought he would, but now? She doubted it, and she hated herself for it.

Honey Lemon, GoGo, Wasabi, and Fred had visited the other day, but Hiro refused to see them. He refused to see them because he knew it would hurt. They were walking, talking memories of his brother. They brought Hiro sadness wherever they went. He couldn't see them. He couldn't talk to them. His sanity, and his emotions depended on it. 

It wasn't a surprise that Hiro had allowed suicidal thoughts to enter his head. It was wrong, he knew that, he knew with every fiber of his being it was wrong. He couldn't live. He couldn't live without him. 

Hiro got up, knowing he wouldn't be having any visits from the sandman tonight. Or any other night after that horrible accident. If it even was an accident. He sighed as he picked up the cap that belonged to Tadashi. The one that he picked up after it had floated out of the burning building. He hoped Tadashi was looking after him now, in heaven, or wherever he might've been residing. He knew that his brother was still with him as people at the funeral said. He was in his heart, but he detested that phrase. The way people said that like it was a prerecorded line, already used by a thousand and one **other** people, made it feel like there was no personalization, nothing at all. Like robots taught to speak the same phrase, all on repeat like a broken tape recorder.

The funeral was simple, he supposed. Nothing fancy, and everyone wore black, as tradition said they should. There was food served but Hiro remembered how he felt that day, He didn't want to talk, he didn't need socializing. Whoever invented this should be shot, he thought. Inhuman. Disgusting. Was it necessary? Perhaps, but Hiro didn't think it was. He thought it horrid. He wished people saw that too, and left him alone. He just needed to be alone. Alone. Always, alone. Now, more than ever. Maybe forever.

He put the cap on, imagining and feeling like it was Tadashi's hand ruffling his hair like always. That's when he cried again, like he did frequently for the past week. For every hour. For every minute. He needed to leave. Just for a while. He knew that he told his aunt he didn't want to be out at all. For the past week, Hiro had put himself under solitary confinement in their- Hiro stopped himself in the middle of his thoughts. He had to correct himself. He didn't want to correct himself. **His** room. Only his. No one else to share with. No one.

He'd sneak out, just to get a moment of fresh air. Anything could help right now, **anything** would help right now. Nothing in this room was good for him. Not Tadashi's bed, the area which was covered by a blind. Not one bit. His dresser also, wasn't a good thing. His picture on the wall? No. Nothing was. Nothing will be. Nothing will **ever** be again. He knew that. He knew he had to let him go. But he didn't want to. He **never** wanted to. 

He grabbed his coat from the hangar, making sure it didn't topple or else it'd make a sound, and the last thing he wanted at the moment was his aunt to wake up. He didn't want that. He wanted to be alone, alone so he could wallow in his thoughts. In his personal demons. In the things that plagued his mind to no end, and he'd very well pull out his hair in frustration if he didn't stop thinking about them. But he couldn't. He would never get rid of them. It was a part of him now, this sadness. This emptiness. This black hole that had decided to set camp on his heart and was sucking him dry into the dark abyss within. He had to live with it, and he didn't think he'd ever recover. **Ever**.

He walked to the door, stopping only to catch his breath. He didn't realize how fast his heart was beating. How fast it was crashing against his chest like the whole world had fallen apart. Everything was dull to him now, even himself. Especially himself. He twisted the handle of his door clockwise and left **his** room. Walking down the stairs, he swore he could already feel better. But that feeling, that sensation? He knew it wouldn't last. It never did.


	2. Part 2 - HiddenEye

   It didn't help.

 

   Everywhere he went now, reminded him of his brother, and the memories that came with it.

 

   It was almost as if his self-concious was still flabbergasted to what happened, still couldn't comprehend the fact that another part of his life was torn away from him. It was bad enough that he didn't even remember his parents, only little things he supposed, their laughter, and he remembered that he laughed with them when he was younger.

 

   But to have someone you depended on for your whole life to be snatched away from you, well.

 

   He thought the fates were a bit too cruel.

 

   "Hey, Hiro."

 

   He froze at the bottom of the stairs, blinking his eyes slowly to what he was seeing before him, heart thudding in his chest at the voice.

 

   He didn't know what to expect anyway. He was just sitting there, the exact table near the counter the two of them would usually occupy with their friends, looking absolutely at ease as he stirred a the spoon in what Hiro assumed was hot chocolate, a favourite drink of his before he went off to SFIT every morning. He even had that book he was still finishing. Tadashi smirked. "Why so glum, chum?"

 

   Hiro had to lean on the wall to support himself, and instead continued staring at his brother with emotions raging in his heart. He supposed he could amused himself for a while, and gave a careless shrug. "Oh, you know," He trailed off, brainstorming some excuses. "Something bad happened."

 

   "Really?" Tadashi replied, his voice filled with laughter as he continued to read the stupid book. "Anything I should know about? Like," He glanced up, an eyebrow raised. "How you lost bot fighting for one time? And now you're short of money?"

 

   Hiro wanted to laugh and cry at the same time, because that was exactly happened last night when he went out sneaking without the consent of Aunt Cass. He lost, too distracted at that time, all three hundred bucks worth of money that could probably help him pay for the student loans. One corner of his lips raise up ever so slightly. "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

 

   With a soft snort, Tadashi went back to reading. "Knucklehead, I told you not to get yourself into trouble. You'd worry Aunt Cass again and probably make her have a heart attack. And then who's gonna knock some sense into that supposed big brain of yours later?"

 

   Hiro closed his eyes, a small chuckle broke out of his lips for the first time since forever. "You."

 

   Laughter floated to where he stood. "Damn straight, little bro."

 

   When he opened his eyes, Tadashi was gone.

 

   There were no cups of hot chocolate, no novels, no big brother to give hand off remarks.

 

   The chair didn't even move.

 

   He suddenly felt suffocated, and pushed himself off the wall, walking out of the shop as he yanked open the door forcefully, the bells ringed above his head. Burying his hands inside his pocket hoodie, he let his feet carried him to wherever they seemed fit, because he didn't care at the moment, he just wanted some air.

 

   When he decided that he was a bit winded, he looked around, and saw that he brought himself to the nearby park they would always go. He walked towards to one of the benches, sitting down with a huff. Leaning back, he closed his eyes again, taking a deep breath of the morning air before exhaling it through his nose.

 

   He could feel the sun shining on him, the soft breeze playing with his hair and tickling his skin. He forced his body to relax, the sound of joggers running past could be heard occasionally.

 

   "Never thought you'd be here."

 

   His snapped his eyes open, and saw that Tadashi was sitting beside him, eyes glued to the dog and its owner playing with a frisbe at the middle of the clearing. "In fact, this is actually the first time you came out here in the morning. Other times I asked you to come, you'd just turn over and continued to sleep," He shot him a grin. "It's nice, isn't it?"

 

   Hiro gulped, squirming as he tried to make himself stay still. "Yeah," He agreed quietly, squeezing his own hands in his pocket hoodie. "I guess it's alright."

 

   Tadashi nodded. "You have to at least jog here once, it's refreshing you know, get your mind off things," Then, he rested his arms behind his head, smiling when a woman and her toddler of a daughter passed by, the blabber of the kid was responded with her mother's gentle tone. "And you could just sit back and enjoy what mother nature offered you."

 

   Hiro pursed his chapped lips, resisting to bite onto his already bitten nails. "I dunno," He stared at a nearby tree, where he saw a squirrel running up the branch. "It's nice, but not my kind of thing."

 

   There was a scoff beside him. "Right," Tadashi replied dryly. "What geek would want to go out and get some fresh air right? Too mainstream."

 

   It was his turn to scoff. "Oh please, just because you're more into this stuff doesn't mean you could just drag me into it too."

 

   "What? Breathing fresh oxygen?"

 

   Hiro almost choked on his own saliva when he heard that sentence, coughing a little. "Yeah," He replied bitterly once he got a hold of himself. "Breathing."

 

   "Ah well, you just have to suck it up and try, right?" It was as if Tadashi was completely oblivious to his response. "Because I believe in you."

 

   Hiro bowed his head, trying to swallow the lump lodged at his throat. "I believe in you too, Tadashi."

 

   When he looked up, he was wasn't there anymore.

 

   "A little too much."

 

   He decided he had enough of fresh air for today.

 

   But he wasn't ready to get back.

 

   He stood up, decided he let his feet do the work again as he let his mind wander.

 

   A walk will do then.

 

   Maybe he'll try jogging like the bonehead said.

 

   He started walking along the track, then after a round, he pump his legs a little, his fingers curled into a loose fist as his breaths began to come out shortly. Then, he went faster, before he knew it, he was running more than jogging, teeth gritted with some sort of anger as his eyes sting with tears.

 

   After three rounds, he staggered to a stop, panting hard as he leaned against a tree, bending over slightly. Then, he straightened himself, and slid on the ground with his legs stretched out in front of him, his head thumped on the hard bark as he tried to catch his breath.

 

   The running thing did him good, he felt lighter, his mind cleared a bit. His body felt wet and sticky from sweat, but it actually felt _good_ , a bit disgusting for sure but he felt different. The knots in his joints loosen up a bit, they didn't feel heavy like the past few days they had.

 

   He let out a breathless chuckle, shaking his head.

 

   What a mess he had turn himself into.

 

   "It was great, huh?"

 

   He didn't need to look up to know who was speaking. "I guess you're right," He let out a breath. "Cleared my head a little like you said."

 

   This time, he could actually feel as if Tadashi was there, standing beside him with his arms crossed. He almost wanted to touch him, but he resisted himself.

 

   "I've always told you to trust me, Hiro," Tadashi said gently. "It'd do you good."

 

   Hiro sighed. "I know."

 

   "You're still a bonehead, though."

 

   He snorted slightly, still refusing to look at him. "Oh yeah? What did I do now?"

 

   He could have sworn he felt a cuff at the head. "Easy, you're making yourself sad. Stop that."

 

   Hiro froze, slowly meeting his brother's gaze from where he was staring him down, a small frown formed on his brows. "I'm not going to ask you what happened, because you'll have a hissy fit if I do, probably gonna tell me to mind my own business," He then shrugged. "But your business is mine too, and I'll you ask about it," He paused. "Later."

 

   Hiro sighed, slumping on the tree. "Whatever, knock yourself out."

 

   They didn't say anything for a while, and he was starting to think that he really did needed therapy when Tadashi spoke up.

 

   "Never give up, Hiro," He spoke softly, like he always did when they were younger when Hiro hurt himself, and today wasn't any different. "I'm here."

 

   Hiro closed his eyes, letting the sound of his voice wash over him, consuming him whole like shadows swallowing up the light.

 

   "I will always be here."

 


	3. Part 3 -Iantheforlornwriter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiro gets an unexpected visit in the park.

Hiro didn't want to move. He was afraid, that if he did indeed leave the spot in which he stood, slumping, Tadashi would disappear, and he'd never see his beloved brother again. He knew he had to, sooner or later, Aunt Cass would've gotten a fit if she woke up to find him missing in the morning. But for now, he'd just stay there, slumped on the tree, and looking up at the night sky, waiting for Tadashi to speak again. 

But he never did. He never did.

As Hiro looked to his side, where Tadashi had told him he would always be, he saw nothing. Just an empty space where the grass danced with the wind. He was gone, like a figment of his imagination. He **was** a figment of his imagination. He shook his head as he got ready to leave. Perhaps, it'd be best if he didn't leave just yet. Maybe, it'd be good if he had another hour, to himself to clear his head. The jog had helped, but not enough. He didn't think it'd ever be enough. 

Sitting down on the bench, which he noted was newly painted by the smell, he observed the scene in front of him, where the man still played catch with his dog. Didn't they ever get tired? Hiro thought it best to avoid eye contact with the strangers around the park, if Tadashi really was just in his imagination (which Hiro was sure he indeed was) then he didn't want people to think he belonged in a mental asylum. Only then, did he realize, how crazy he must've looked while talking to 'Tadashi'. He didn't cherish the thought. A gentle hand placed itself on his shoulder, getting a jolt of surprise from the nerve wrecked Hiro.

"Hiro?" He could hear someone ask, then it became clear who it was when a familiar figure sat next to him. A nicely wrapped gift-box with a tag hanging by the ribbon was laid on his lap. It was Wasabi. 

"Wasabi!" Hiro exclaimed, shocked, while trying to get up, but Wasabi only stared at him, a look on concern on his face. He grabbed him by the arm and asked him to sit down.

“Does your aunt know you're out here?” He asked as he shifted in his seat to find the most comfortable position he could managed. He always hated park benches.

“Yeah, totally.” He instinctively lied. He tried to avoid his gaze, but he knew it wouldn't work. He had a horrible poker face.

“Hiro?” Wasabi said his name again, but his time much more sternly like a concerned father would question his child when he did something wrong. Something the father wouldn't approve of.

“Alright, fine. No, she doesn't. I sneaked out.” He confessed, blowing out an upset breath of air from his mouth. Was he crying? His throat felt dry.

“You sneaked out?” Wasabi asked impressed. He knew nothing got passed Aunt Cass when it came to Hiro.

“Through the front door. Very covert stuff.” He japed, playfully. This was the first time, in a very long time, since Hiro had a casual conversation with someone other than imaginary Tadashis or his pillow. Don't get it wrong though, the pillow was an excellent conversationist.

“What are you doing in the park. At night. Alone?” He asked him. Wasabi was obviously, worried for Hiro. He'd always expected the worst. He blamed it on his pessimistic tendencies to think of everything lowly. Then, if something bad happened, he wouldn't get his dreams crushed. For now? He'd try to be more like Honey Lemon. At least she might (and he couldn't emphasize the word ’might’ enough), cheer him up. Or GoGo, who'd jape intelligently with him enough to make him forget about Tadashi. Even Fred, would've faired better than him. At least he was naturally funny. Hiro always laughed around him. Wasabi couldn't be like them, but he wanted to. More than anyone else, he wanted to. Optimistic Wasabi. He could do this.

“I needed to clear my head.” Hiro admitted. “Also, I couldn't sleep.” Which wasn't a lie. Not at all.

“Right.” Wasabi acknowledged as he Stared at a nearby tree. “You know, you've been avoiding us.” 

Hiro breathed in through his nose, not wanting to answer. He just nodded. Nodding had become the best way to answer people now. 

“You don't have to,” He started to say. “I mean, we’re always here. If you need us.” He couldn't wait to get back to being pessimistic again. “Unless you'd rather be alone?” He tried being supportive. Everyone needed space after all.

“I supposed so.” Hiro didn't specify which question he answered. He didn't know it himself. 

“Here.” Wasabi shoved the gift box into Hiro’s hands. “I was actually on my way to give it to your aunt.” He said. The expression on his face showed eagerness. He wanted Hiro to open it.

“Uh...” He undid the ribbon. Revealing a chocolate cake nicely decorated with wordings of frosting that read, ’happy birthday, Hiro’. 

Hiro hadn't realized tomorrow would be his birthday. He'd been so caught up in depression after Tadashi had died, that he never even thought about anything else except that. The explosion, the fire, the smoke, the cap. As though the repeat button was always active in his mind. “Thank you.” He said to Wasabi.

“It was the least I could do. Y’know, he'd wanted that.” He told him while looking down on the ground.

“Want what?” Hiro asked, unsure to where Wasabi was leading his sentence.

“He'd want you to move on.” He said as he got up. He placed a hand on his shoulder. “Goodnight, Hiro.” He said as he started to walk away.

Hiro was alone again, sitting on the park bench. But this time? Perhaps he was less lonely than he'd originally visualized. There were people out there, looking out for him. Tadashi's legacy, his kindness, all presented through his friends. Hiro was glad he met them, or else, he'd really be alone.


	4. Part 4 - HiddenEye

  

   It was then his phone rang.

 

   It took a moment for him to realise it, but he eventually did, and tried to blinked away the daze he felt ever since... well, _that_ happened.

 

   Maybe, just maybe, Wasabi was right.

 

   He had to move on.

 

   As he took out his phone from his pants pocket, he wondered how long he stayed there -just sitting on the damned newly painted bench with its chemical smell floating around him as he stared into space- after Wasabi left. Probably a while, since the man and his dog weren't at the park anymore, the night was quiet with the exception of the sound of crickets playing their music. When he saw the contacts on his phone, he hesitated to answer.

 

   It was GoGo.

 

   He knew in his heart that she was checking on him too, worried like the rest of them.

 

   Biting his lip, he swiped his finger on the phone, and then rested it to his ear.

 

   "Hello?"

 

   "Hiro."

 

   He sighed, running his fingers through his shaggy hair. "Why did you call me, GoGo?" He asked wearily, despite his assumptions of her, of them, a few seconds ago. "I'm," He ran his tongue over his dried lips. "Busy." Even to his ears, the words sounded lame.

 

   He could hear the breath she exhaled sharply, it sounded as if she was exasperated with him. He couldn't blame her, he was sick of how he was feeling too. "When are you going to stop lying to us, Hiro?"

 

   He couldn't help but let out a bitter laugh. "You expect me to answer that?"

 

   "Don't be an ass," She snapped. "Look, just," She sighed, and then the tone of her voice turned softer. "Are you still at the park?"

 

   He pursed his lips. "Wasabi told you where I am." It wasn't a question, more of a flat statement if anything else.

 

   "Yes," She replied simply, and then he could hear the sound of the engine starting. "Stay where you are, I'm coming for you."

 

   He rested his elbows on his knees, bowing his head. "GoGo-"

 

   "Don't argue with me, Hiro Hamada," She retorted, and for a moment he was reminded how this was _GoGo_ he was speaking to, protesting wasn't an option once she had set her mind to it. "We need to talk about this, you can't just-"

 

   "What if I don't want to talk about it?" He cut her off, his anger rising. "What if I just want to turn back time, and just _undo_ this?"

 

   There was a pause, the sound of the engine of her motorcycle purring at the background. "I'm coming for you."

 

   Without another word, she hung up.

 

   He stared at the phone for a while, before tossing it to the empty space between him and the box, burying his fingers in his hair as he dug his elbows on his knees.

 

   Ten to fifteen minutes later, he heard the sound of a bike some distance away, and then it stopped, followed by light footsteps coming towards him. He didn't look up when she sat beside him, making herself comfortable on the bench after she rested the box on her lap.

 

   The bench again.

 

   Two of his friends had come and sat beside him for the past hour on the same place.

 

   What can they do, he haven't attempted to move anywhere soon.

 

   They sat quietly for a moment, and he rested his chin on the palm of his hands, staring into the night.

 

   "You can't."

 

   He glanced at her, an eyebrow quirked. "Can't what?"

 

   She took a deep breath, playing with the ribbon. "Undo anything," She gave a sad smile. "It doesn't work that way."

 

   He resisted a biting reply. "I know."

 

   "I wish I could too, you know," She admitted. For the first time since he last saw her, he saw how her usual fiery eyes looked exhausted, her shoulders drooping slightly. He then felt guilt weighing at his heart, because when he lost a brother he looked up to so frequently, someone he had leaned a shoulder to, they lost a dear friend, who had spent most of his time with them, and had bonded along the way.

 

   And grief was eating them as much as it was doing to him.

 

   "He wouldn't want you to be this way, because I know I don't," She met his stare. "You have so much potential, Hiro," She continued quietly. "You have no idea how much he talked about you at the lab, how he would always say how proud he was to have you as a brother, always telling us how you would create something he wouldn't even think off, he said it was unbelievable," She let out a breathless chuckle. "And when I saw you, I was right."

 

   Curious, he straightened himself. "About what?"

 

   She flicked a strand of hair from his forehead, a smirk forming. "That you're so much like him than you realise."

 

   When he only gawked at her, she continued. "Both of you are so determined when it comes to create things, never wanting to give up," She studied him, and suddenly he felt a bit self-conscious when her dark eyes flitted all over his face. Then, she shook her head, sighing through her nose. "You two looked so much alike, inside and out," She continued softly. "Sometimes it hurt a bit to look at you."

 

   He looked away, gnawing on his bottom lip. "Sometimes," He said slowly, unsurely, because he didn't know if he should admit it to her. But he made up his mind. "Sometimes I couldn't even look myself in the mirror, like you said, it hurts," He sighed. "What am I going to do, GoGo?"

 

   There was a pause, she didn't immediately respond to his distressed question.

 

   "You move on."

 

   One corner of his lips raise up slightly. "Somehow, that's the only option available isn't it?"

 

   She snorted softly. "You think?" She pursed her lips. "You ready to go home?"

 

   He dug his toe into the earth. "I don't know."

 

   "You'd make Cass worry," She pointed out. "She doesn't even know where you are."

 

   "She could, you know, call me." He answered meekly.

 

   She shook her head. "That's not the point, Hiro."

 

   He stared at her. "You're just going to bring me home no matter what I say, aren't you?"

 

   She held his gaze. "We can't stay here forever."

 

   He didn't last for long, next thing he knew was that he grabbed his phone and shove it in his pants pocket, and then he took the box from her hands. He broaden his shoulders as he took a deep breath. "Okay, let's go."

 

   He could do it, he could try to move on and not rot himself to death. He could continue on life, sign up SFIT, graduate, have a girlfriend, get married and have kids. Probably name one of his sons -if he had any- after Tadashi if he could, as an honour. And tell them how their uncle sacrificed himself to save someone he had admired. Probably made Aunt Cass cry happily along the way after seeing her baby all grown up.

 

   Yeah.

 

   He could do that.

 

   As if reading his thoughts, she smiled encouragingly as she stood up, to which he responded with a weak smile of his own, and they made their way to her black bike.

 

   On the way back, he had an arm wrapped around the box, and the other around her waist. He let the wind blew onto his face, imagining all sorrows he felt were left in the dust, no longer sticking on him like leaches that were sucking the life out of him.

 

   He rested his forehead on her back, closed his eyes, and wondered how he deserved to have such friends like he had now.

 


	5. Part 5 -Iantheforlornwriter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honey Lemon takes Hiro to the store for a birthday present.  
> All she wanted to do was cheer him up.

Hiro wasn't sure how he'd explain his night out to Aunt Cass. For all he knew, she would've run out to him and hugged him suffocatingly, she **did** want him to leave the house anyway. However, Hiro knew this was just wishful thinking. If he wanted to avoid her wrath (that could make even GoGo back off he'd need to sneak in the window. Again. GoGo was obviously unamused when he suggested this idea to her when she had fetched him on her bike.

“You've got to be kidding me.” She had said shaking her head when she parked her bike next to the side of their house.

“I'm not getting into trouble for grieving.” He was adamant about it too. He tried leaping up at the ledge of the window that lead to his room, but he was too short to reach it.

“Wow Hiro, I didn't know you were an athlete.” She had japed sarcastically. 

“Have you-,” he started to jape back in between jumps. “Noticed the muscles?” He finished his sentence as he finally gave up.

“Alright, Hiro, stop.” She said as she laid a hand on his shoulder. “Just get up on my shoulders.” She didn't even know why she was trying to help him sneak back into his own house. She could've just as easily explain the situation to his aunt. But if this is what he wanted, she might as well help him.

“You're kidding?” He asked with a smile. That's when he stopped for a moment. He hadn't smiled in ages. He wondered if this was what she meant by moving on. Moving on. He felt guilty using that word. It was as though he gave up on him, Tadashi. He knew it was a rather illogical thing to be thinking about, but it still felt the same.

“Do you want to walk through the front door? It's right there.” She said as she pointed to the corner.

“Alright, crouch.” 

GoGo walked toward him, crouching down and putting her hands against her chest like a platform for his feet. She didn't find it funny when his feet kept kicking her face.

“Watch, the feet!” She yelled as she tried to move her head to the side to avoid his shoes.

“I need to use your head as support!” He yelled back down at her as he leapt for the ledge. He managed to pull himself up, sitting on it.

“If that didn't wake up your aunt, I don't know what will.” She said as she tried to readjust her hair. She gave up.

“She's a heavy sleeper, she probably just rolled over to the side or something.” He started to pry the window open, he was grateful he didn't lock it. Climbing in he waved at her. “See you, GoGo.” That was the sincerest he got in saying thank you.

“You're welcome.” She said, already knowing what he meant. A soft purr of the engine signaled her departure.

He was going to sleep greatly tonight. For the first time in forever he would. Shutting the window, he let himself fall face first onto the bed, not bothering to change. 

\----

A day had passed since his meeting with both Wasabi and GoGo in the park. Aunt Cass, as to his assumption, was totally and entirely oblivious to his night adventures. 

Hiro decided to go down for dinner that night, surprising Aunt Cass who happily set up the table in the likes of a feast for a king. He shook his head as he dug into his mashed potatoes with his fork. Perhaps, some sort of socializing would do him good. Besides, it was his birthday, he should at least spend it with his aunt.

The doorbell rang. Hiro hoped it wasn't Wasabi chickening out and coming clean about their meeting in the park. Standing at the doorway, perky and a smile spread widely across her face, was Honey Lemon dressed in yellow. He would be lying if he said it didn't hurt his eyes, but it was the way she dressed. It was like she was stuck in the 70's.

“Hey, Hiro!” She greeted him, upbeat and merrily, like she always did. 

“Hey, Honey Lemon.” He said, half faking his excitement.

“Happy belated birthday!” He looked at Aunt Cass, who jerked her head to Honey Lemon’s general direction.

“Honey Lemon is offering to take you to the comic book store to look for a birthday present.” She said.

Hiro, who was about to refuse going, was barraged by a million and one exclamation of excitement from Honey Lemon which promoted him to accept her offer, if for anything else, to shut her up.

“Great, let's go!” Hiro shook his head, she was like a rabbit who drank coffee and had just shot itself up with steroids.

“Enjoy yourself.” Aunt Cass called after him, but he was already in the car.

\----

“So! Pick out something and I'll pay for it.” She told him as he browsed through issues ten to twenty five of the famous comic book titled, ’Captain Eran Armada’ who apparently was an intergalactic space officer charged with destroying all alien life forms who were hell bent on destroying Earth. Of course they were.

Hiro didn't fancy any of the other offerings on the shelves and so, decided against his better interest (and judgment) to grab a random numbered issue from the rack and proceeded to Honey Lemon. He wasn't even following any current stories anyway. 

“You're done?” She asked him surprised (and if Hiro saw it right, a slight disappointed) as she pulled him by the hand to the rack farthest to the back.

“Honey, what's going on?” Hiro asked, confused.

“I might've lied if I said this was just for a birthday present.” She admitted. 

“Wasabi and GoGo talked to you didn't they.” He said, and again, it was more of a flat statement than a question. Did all his friends conspire to make him feel better behind his back? He appreciated the efforts they all went through for him, he didn't deny that, but some privacy and some alone time would've been considerably welcomed.

“Well, yeah! I mean, we’re all worried for you, Hiro. You know you can talk to us, if you want to.” She said as she nervously looked at Hiro, who was running a hand frustratedly through his shaggy hair. 

“I just...” He didn't know what to talk about really. He was still angry Tadashi went into the building. He was angry about everything. “I'm angry.” He said, flatly.

“Angry?” She pushed further, hoping to get him to talk.

“Yes, angry. If Tadashi didn't run into that building he'd be here with us. Alive! We'd be attending school together, I just...I'm angry.” He said the things he had kept hidden inside himself for so long. He talked about winding time back to stop him with GoGo, but that was him blaming himself. He had discussed not being alone with Wasabi, which he had already accepted. But, he still blamed Tadashi. It was stupid. So stupid for blaming him, but he did. He did with a fiery passion. Perhaps, Honey was willing to listen.

She was.

Her eyes started to well up, it affected her as much as it affected him. She wiped the tears from her eyes with her palm. Breathing in, Honey started to talk.

“Hiro, we can't change what happened.” She said. “We should stop dwelling in what-could've-beens and start thinking ahead. Tadashi loved you Hiro, like he loved everyone else. No matter how they were, he always gave them a second chance. He believed that he could save Professor Callaghan, and he acted on his compassion. We can't blame him for that. It's wrong to. We must accept what happened, Hiro. We must believe he died, for a cause he believed in.” She explained as she dug into her bag and took out a pack of tissues. Opening it, she blew her nose profusely.

Hiro didn't answer. He tried to suppress his tears, but he couldn't. He started to rub his eyes, trying to dry his cheek. Honey, held out her pack of tissues to him. He took one and blew his nose too.

She gave him a hug before he could say anything. “I know it might be like we're rehashing and repeating. I know you're probably sick of hearing it. But we're here for you Hiro. I'm here for you.” 

The buzzer that went off whenever a customer walked in rang as a man in a beanie walked in. Spotting both Hiro and Honey Lemon in the back, he raised and waved at them.

“Hey, what brings you guys to the comic book store!” He exclaimed, oblivious to the fact that both Honey and Hiro had been crying. Or perhaps he knew, but didn't want to say anything about it. He did his share of grieving. 

“Hey Freddie.” Honey greeted him.

“Hey, Honey! Hiro.” Spotting the comic book in Hiro’s grasp he excitedly took it from him, flipping through the pages. “I didn't know you read Captain Eran Armada!” He said excitedly as he pointed to the issue’s number on the front cover. Hiro hadn't noticed he picked out issue number twenty-three until he had. “Issue number twenty-three! Captain Eran Armada commands an entire vessel to fire down on a distant planet to destroy all Weepers that had colonized the human’s arctic base! Did you read the one before this?” He asked eagerly.

“I...actually haven't. I just, randomly picked one from the shelf.” Hiro told him.

“What?!” He exclaimed as though it was the most sinful thing he had ever heard of. “Well, just so happens I have the entire collection in the lab at the SFRIT! I read it when the others are doing their experiments." 

“I guess I'll leave you with him then.” Honey said as she took the comic book from Fred. “I'll pay for this one.” 

Hiro wasn't in the mood to go all with him, but he also wasn't in the mood to argue. Perhaps. It was a good distraction. But going back to the place he last saw his brother happy with his friends? It probably wouldn't be good. Not at all.


	6. Part 6- iantheforlornwriter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fred shows Hiro his comic book collection.

It was way more painful than he'd ever imagine. He knew he shouldn't have followed Fred to the SFRIT, being it was the last place he saw Tadashi right before he died. Before everything fell into a deep dark abyss of depression and sorrow. A black hole that formed in his heart, sucking in all his emotions, and his soul. He wanted to feel again. Anything.

Walking through the front doors, and the hallways that connected the many rooms and the labs that held numerous scientific apparatus, Hiro stopped dead in his tracks when they reached the lab that Tadashi and the rest were normally holed up in. He couldn't look at those doors. He couldn't even look in their general direction. Those were the doors that led into his office. Into Tadashi’s office. 

Fred was already busy unboxing a few comic books all stuffed in a huge brown cardboard box. Hiro noticed that they were mostly science-fiction and a few horror titles designed to look like it had blood dripping from it. Taking a giant stack, Fred placed it on the table. The entire series of Captain Eran Armada, Space Hero. Aliens and UFO ships were depicted on the cover.

“I used to collect these when I was just finishing Highschool.” Fred informed Hiro as he shifted through the giant stack. Pushing out one if them from the bottom of the pile like a block during a session of Jenga, he shoved it at Hiro. 

“Issue 63?” Hiro asked bewildered. The cover this time was of Eran Armada, sitting alone in what seemed to be a hologram room. Usually depicted as a muscular, testosterone filled hero, it was peculiar seeing the character looking as distraught as this.

“Yep!” Fred replied enthusiastically. “I couldn't find this last issue, and Tadashi somehow found it for me.” 

Hiro’s heart sank further. 

“I don't understand why you're showing me this.” Hiro said, flipping through the comic in his hand.

“His story is like yours.” He said as he pointed at the comic. “He lost his brother too in this last issue, and he tried to push everyone who loved him out of his reach in fear of attachment.” Fred placed his hand on the side of his mouth. Whispering he said: “He doesn't exactly deal with loss very well.” 

“Go figure.” Hiro replied sarcastically. 

“I want you to have it.” Fred replied, nodding. Totally oblivious to his sarcasm. 

“What, why?” Hiro asked shocked. “Isn't this his gift to you?”

“Yes, but he's your brother. And maybe reading through the totally amazing, action filled adventure of Eram Armada might help you cope.” He beamed at Hiro. “Take the box!” 

“The whole thing?” 

“Yeah, the whole thing! We all deal with loss differently Hiro. Some lose themselves in music. Some let optimism cloud their sadness. Some just deal with it by letting time do its work. And some...” He said pointing at the comics. “Try and escape reality into a world of fiction where nothing else matters except for a hero saving the day. That's me.” 

“And you think it could be me too?” Hiro asked.

“Yes, I do.”

Hiro smiled at him. He didn't know how he was so fortunate to find friends like them. Friends like the ones Tadashi had. He didn't know if this would help, but with the gesture that Fred was showing him. By letting him take home a giant box of beloved comics to read, he knew they were just trying to help. Fred was trying in his own geeky way. If anyone planned on that fire happening, Hiro was sure the only way to ever get over his brother’s death would lie in revenge. But that wasn't the case. It was an accident, he knew that. So for now? This would do. This would do nicely.

“Thanks Fred.” Hiro acknowledged. 

“No problemo, Hiro. Just don't bend any of them.” 

“I don't intend to.” 

“So...” Fred drawled as he looked toward the door. “Can I give you a lift back? Maybe stop by for ice cream on the way home? If that'll make you feel better.” He smiled at him.

Hiro look toward the door too. Once he left, he'd be saying goodbye. No more moping for a while. He had so many to thank for that. He wasn't sure if he was ready to go. Ready to leave the memory of his deceased brother behind. Maybe, he should. 

“Y’know,” Fred started to say. “Leaving this place doesn't mean we're forgetting him. We’re just leaving it behind for now.” 

Hiro smiled at him, relief coursing through his body. That was all he needed. He just needed reassurance. Tadashi would always be with him, in mind and soul. In memory and in his heart. Tadashi wasn't going anywhere. So it was time Hiro see him in a different light. In a different perspective. 

“Alright, yeah. You're right. Let's go.” Hiro nodded. 

“After you.” Fred ushered.

“You're paying, right?”

“Of course I am. I'm not actually homeless, y'know.”

Hiro wouldn't know the difference. He smelled and looked like one. He wondered, in his own deranged fantasy, if he was rich in disguise. Hiro let the idea play in his mind, distracting him from his brother. 

As he now sat in the car, driving off with Fred to the ice cream parlour, he swore he could see him again. Tadashi, sitting right next to him. The hallucination only muttered one single line that made him feel better. That made him feel as though nothing could hurt him anymore, nothing would. 

“I'm proud of you Hiro.” 

Hiro closed his eyes, smiled, and let the wonderful words sink deep into his mind. All he ever wanted was his brother to be proud of him. Even if it was a figment of his imagination, it was enought to ease his mind. 

He loved his brother and now, he was ever so glad that he had his friends too. In his friends, Hiro felt his brother’s love and companionship. In his friends, Hiro felt wanted. Not alone.


End file.
